entry from my journal
I consume without creating. I consume compulsively, when there is little value beyond wasting time. I’ve reduced my consumption temptations. no newsfeed.* no twitter or facebook bookmarks. no snapchat. I will sit in silence and focus on current task in current moment. social media will be there. important news will reach me. if I experience something I want to share:
A. is it just to share that it happened? something funny or circlejerky?** – journal it
B. is it something beautiful? do I want everyone or someone to see it? if everyone, it better be a momentous event. if someone, consider sharing directly. if it’s to make them jealous or feel bad – journal your lapse
C. when in doubt – journal.
all parts of my life will happen whether or not I document it. sharing myself on paper to remember the experience is better than a fleeting adrenaline rush of the IDEA that others think well of me.
* I use an extension to block my Facebook newsfeed.
** In the internet context, I promise.
I consider why I use social media on the creation end. Why do I share?
I look at what I post. On Instagram: a book haul, my hat collection, my new purse, a check from my first freelance work, purchases from a flea market, my new planner. On Twitter: a retweet of an addition to the Crazy Rich Asians cast, a sassy criticism of the advice to “travel in your 20s”, an article written by a former colleague, self-praise on not buying stationary or snacks at an Asian marketplace.
I want people to know I read a lot. I want people to think I have a fashion sense. I want people to think I’m capable. I want people to know my stand on shopping. I want people to know I love notebooks.
I want people to know I’m ~in~ with current Asian American media. I want people to think I’m witty and “real”. I want people to know I have successful friends. I want to be thought of as disciplined and mature.
I used to reason that I post to share value: book recommendations, career advice, views on consumption, advances in Asian American representation. Honestly the top bullshit I’ve ever deluded myself into believing.
I post to appear like a cool, collected, intelligent, and spiritual being. I post with a certain person in mind, so I can make them feel bad or jealous that I’m supposedly superior (when it’s unlikely that they’ll even see my post at all). No one’s getting value from my sharing but me. And it’s only when I get enough likes as social proof that I truly am cool, collected, intelligent, and spiritual.